It's Bill, plain Bill
Fixing things around the house when he can
Leaving them broken when he can't
It's Bill, unfancy Bill
Going to work bright and early
He eats corn beef hash in the evening
It's Bill, family man Bill
He plays Santa Claus at Christmas time
Most of the kids seem to like him
It's Bill, high fidelity Bill
He stayed true to his wife for just as long as he could
Lasted over a month and no one thought that he would
It's Bill, Dead drunk Bill
Stumbling home on the sidewalk
Watch him fall to the ground when he can't walk.
But then, fate twisted in
He found a local policeman now he's
Spending the night in the drink tank
But that said don't be misled
He's as straight as can be
He's a picture of civility
He can still blame his tourette's
It's Bill, quick to rage Bill
He shot the dog across the street when she barked
He said he put her out of his misery
It's Bill, Dead Beat Bill
He gambled away his daughter's college account
Now she refuses to call him
And look at all the stuff he took
From his elderly neighbor who lives alone
She'd call the police but he took her phone
That said don't be misled
He's as great as can be
He's who he wants to be
And you still may be sad when he's dead
With a night of drinking over
He heard a neighborhood kid call him William
"Don't call me William!"
Call me Bill
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