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The Milquetoast Manual

by Carpal Tullar

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1.
Carpal Tullar needs a theme song Like the birdies in the air need their wings on And though he doesn't currently have one It's rumored he'll eventually get one Ladies you can leave your shirts on He doesn't have a use for a fan club All that he needs in life that he doesn't have is just A song to briefly describe his situation Carpal Tullar needs a theme song Like the ladies of the evening need makeup If he can get the people behind it You know he will eventually find it He doesn't need a show of attention Or charitable standing ovation All that he needs in life that he doesn't have is Just a theme song Carpal Tullar needs a theme song Like a nation needs a national anthem And if a tiny nation can have one What is he but a tiny nation He doesn't need to feel the wind blow Or hang out of a second floor window All that he needs in life that he doesn't have is just a theme song To move him on
2.
Slipshod mouth agape and he stares at a poster of a band he's a man who can covet in reverse Spit shine clarinet in his hand a tiny flame flickers in He could be blowing their mind if he had a turn Look alive Mr. Frazier and band have got a show tonight So get the room together so they can rehearse Save the story how you're underemployed cause you've been Soul-searching ever since you made a reservation to be heard Strike up the band, Clarence, strike up the band Always similar but never the same He's got a key to the bus and he could hang But it's not what they prefer What they'd all really rather he do Is get the truck backed up and get the dolly out and get to work How many nevers are in never again Oh, how many words are in his word that he's never to return When he finally gets the truck to light He admits to himself I can't play anything now but I can learn So Mr. Head, Clarence strike up the band
3.
And if I ever told you what I want to know Then you'd get away how you get away And if I ever fathered figures on my own Then you'd get away how you get away How you get yourself away
4.
Planets 02:38
Mercury the second hottest in degrees Venus Venusian rocks seen by robot cosmonaut Earth my favorite one give thanks to the rock you're standing on Mars, red Mars the planet everyone seems to be landing on Then it's said the gravitational pull between Jupiter and the Sun Creates a space where planets can't be formed and thus the dust becomes the Asteroids Jupiter measures twenty Earth diameters Saturn its rings show off to Cassini Orbiter Uranus blue-green has a most peculiar vertical ring Neptune has winds that reach 1200 miles an hour Pluto and its moon Charon canter on sometimes it's furthest out sometimes not Planetoids in the Kuiper Belt are circling Halo of debris and Pluto is just one of them Billions further on in the Oort Cloud and let's not forget The Sun providing all the gravity we orbit on
5.
Born at Hale's Ford, Virginia, April 1856 his father an unknown white man His mother was a slave on the Burroughs' land Who educated poverty Having risen up from slavery in 1865 Who built his people up in industry And became one of the greatest black Americans alive Booker Taliaferro Washington was a celebrated diligent man With his Tuskegee Normal and Industrial Institute A steady revolution had been planned He'd put the black in American A visionary reconstructionist Giving everything he had to bringing up the southern black Known as the great accomodationist He knew sacrificing early on would later pay them back From General Armstrong at the Hampton institute He learned the lessons he would learn to pay them back Booker Taliaferro Washington With book or trowel in his hand Making it so people could enjoy a civil life Booker T. was a productive man He'd put the black in American "A ship lost at sea for many days suddenly sighted a friendly vessel. From the mast of the unfortunate vessel was seen a signal, water, water we die of thirst! The answer from the friendly vessel at once came back, Cast down your bucket where you are." When he gave the Atlanta Compromise to an integrated audience September 95 He urged his brothers to back off from civil rights Cast down your buckets where you are for the betterment he cried In all things that are purely social we can be separate as the fingers Yet one as the hand in all things essential to mutual progress Critics like Du Bois declared he had made not much of a stand Booker Taliaferro Washington Had a controversial fight on his hands His willingness to tolerate oppression from the whites Made him difficult to understand But Booker T. had a patient plan Success is measured not so much by the position one has reached in life As by the obstacles he's overcome You will find that there are two ways to exert a person's strength One is pushing down the other's pulling up Booker Taliaferro Washington was a celebrated diligent man He won the nation over but to say the very least Booker T. was a focused highly optimistic man Opposed by the Ku Klux Klan The finest orator in all the land With oration in high demand Booker T. had a patient plan He put the black in American
6.
The Moment 03:05
A vision came to me I had to look I couldn't look away Of what it would take to find myself in a perfect place again But then I faltered and began to slip the vision went away And though I would try to conjure it It left me flat on my face again with all that I really need I felt so helpless I felt oh so sick it kept me wide awake To finally be so close to it left my feet to far to fall But when I calmed and it was sinking in I knew what I had left to do I readied myself to look for it and I found a purpose once again And all that I really need would come to me when I'd leave Through a doorway out into a street and into a crowded town below Racing jagged like a broken arrow Tracing all of my familiar steps and rattling on the doors and windows Patient people coming out to follow With every person that I knew in tow I turned around to look The center of my whole universe was as it had been before And then I saw what I thought I had lost I knew it right away I'd never again need anything because they let me fall behind With all that I really need
7.
8.
Sulfa Drugs 04:22
I was sitting on the lonely ground thinking what would we do If it eventually came around people what would we do Without sulfa drugs Know that all the time you'd have left would be burden If you think far ahead you'd be definitely learning don't you think Without sulfa drugs Too much is never enough I was sitting on an angry chair thinking what would we do If it eventually wasn't there people what would we do Without sulfa drugs Know that all the time you'd have left would be burden If you think far ahead you'd be definitely learning don't you think Without sulfa drugs Too much is never enough I think that we should meter it out Because in current supply it couldn't go very far I know you said addiction is bad But when could innocent wanting ever hurt anyone I guess you think it could but it's so hard I guess you think I'm taking it too far To be sitting on the angry ground thinking what would we do If it eventually came around people what would we do Without sulfa drugs Know that all the time you'd have left would be burden If you think far ahead you'd be definitely learning don't you think Without sulfa drugs Too much is never enough In a basement by yourself Apothecary you open up When you have water to fill your cup You'll be filling the years to come
9.
If I lived to be a hundred one would it be all right to die And if I were to build a Pontiac would it bring a tear to my eye And if I wrecked and were to break my neck Would I be the last in line To duck inside where you could prop me up And I would blythely pretend to drive In my 1976 Dart Lite, it's one year younger than I One year longer that I've known myself and I've known myself all my life In my 1976 Dart Lite they made it in 75 Only one year after they made me myself And I've known myself like no one else And I'm just so glad I can drive My fair-weather friends say I should pimp it out As they gather all around And fill me up with what it could be like If it were half an inch off the ground Sportalific stripe or undercarriage light Running loudly down the side There is no doubt that I would pimp myself Before I put that shit on my ride On my 1976 Dart Lite, it's one year younger than I One year longer that I've known myself And I've known myself all my life In my 1976 Dart Lite they made it in 75 Only one year after they made me myself Though I may live a while and be reckless I'll Never again be too young to drive
10.
I joined a band with a guy named Michael Cades Though we knew we sounded bad we stuck to it anyway And now in my defense I think he may have been strange Was it something that we said Would it happen anyway Cause we were done before it ever could begin The strangest of anything I've ever been in He's upped and gone he took his amp and ran away And we're short one tell us if you see Michael Cades It wasn't long when he took us on the road Drove us 700 miles to play one and only show and now when When we arrived and they said we couldn't play Something happened in his head and he turned and drove away And we were done before it ever could begin The strangest of anything I've ever been in He's upped and gone he took his amp and ran away And we're short one tell us if you see Michael Cades Michael Cades have you been OK Have you been brushing your teeth with a cigar Did you make it out of Chestertown Are you buried in your girlfriend's yard For some of us well there is no other way Than to say nothing at all when there's nothing left to say How bout that poor little guy he couldn't stay That was it for me and John and our walk with Michael Cades
11.
If you guessed all the secrets that I've got And you found all the evil that I'm not Then you'd get away how you get away How you get yourself away
12.
Give me a room and send me a bill And I'll talk out loud for hours Or send me along and I'll wish very loud And I'm giving you the decision And I want you to laugh with vision And I know you will have permission And I know you will laugh at me but know that I want to be your Yoko Ono I want to be your plastic bag yeah To hell with Superman I just want to follow you around and I want to be a fantastic freak In a moment you'd guess my mission But it won't make it less perdition And I want to confess my coup de foudre And now I'm carrying a phone so you won't be allowed out of my jurisdiction But there's no need to call with me hovering around And I want to relay my position I want a part to create fruition Though I may be too late you need to know that I want to be your red banana I want to be your passion fruit To hell with common sense restraint or moderation I want to be a fantastic freak When she said her goodbye oh how was she to know But I guess I really drove it home when I refused to let her go Outside the door I'll wait for the police to come and call me home But even as I turn to go I'll throw another lonely rock at your window Though everything's disposable You can't just dispose of a perfect freak And I want to collapse with vision I want to meet my other half with collision And I know you will laugh at me but know that I want to be your sole protectorate I want to be your fascist pig yeah To hell with Superman pan band and the rich bananas I want to be a fantastic freak
13.
If I lived to be a hundred one would it be all right to die And if I built a Pontiac would it bring tears to its eye And if I wrecked and broke my neck Would I be the last in line To duck inside where you could prop me up And I'd blythely pretend to drive In my '76 Dart Lite, only one year younger than I Only one year longer that I've known myself into a life and I've known myself all my life Fair-weather friends say I should pimp it out And gather all around To fill me up with what it could be like A half inch off the ground With a detail stripe or chassis light Running down the side There is no doubt that I would pimp myself Then put that on my ride On my '76 Dart Lite, only one year younger than I Only one year longer that I've known myself and I've known myself all my life In my '76 Dart Lite they made it in 1975 Only one year after they made me myself into a life Though I may live a while and be reckless I'll Never again be too young to drive

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released January 5, 2008

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Carpal Tullar Asheville, North Carolina

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